Uncertified Magic-Users

certify (verb)

• officially recognise as possessing certain qualifications or meeting certain standards.
• officially declare insane.

Fifteen years ago, the Grey Magician walked into the Senate Chambers and cast Power Word: Kill. You wanna take a guess at how many hitpoints your average congressman has? Not a lot. Anyway, he declared himself Supreme Mage-Emperor of The United States and made it about three months before they dropped a largish non-nuclear explosive on his head.

Five months ago, intel trickled out that a NUSSR Cert IV was being stationed in Alaska. It was fervently denied by everyone involved. Then it turned out that it was actually a Cert VI+, and that the Russians had "lost contact" (lost control), and now the entire state is under martial law by two different countries. Shucks.

But that's all ancient history, because you just found a grimoire. A real one:

1. Downloaded a 340 page PDF. It's a poor photocopy job, and came with 1d4 nasty viruses.
2. Found it at the bottom of a box while you cleared your great-uncles stuff. He had a hoarding problem.
3. Bought it online for 1d100x$100.
4. Picked up from a garage sale at 1d10 AM. Weird huh? You aren't exactly sure how much you paid for it.
5. Stole it from the library before it could get registered.
6. Two magic-users killed each other in front of you, so now it's yours.
7. Bequeathed it. Who got the house instead of you?
8. Dug up a box in the forest. Pretty sure the box was lined with lead. Now you can't find the hole you dug, or the box.
9. Received it in the mail, the address was smudged.
10. A bleeding stranger pressed it into your hands, then ran off without a word.
11. Traded it for a pint of blood and a lock of hair. Whose did you use?
12. Three fingers and a handful of teeth later and it was yours, easy as that!
13. You've maybe possibly slightly sold your soul for it? (each time you fail a Weird roll, it wriggles a bit looser)
14. You wound up naked and hungover in a storm drain, cradling its damp pages. No idea what happened that night.
15. Fell out of the sky, bonking you on the head.
16. You've had a pen pal for years, one day they sent it to in a box with a note to "keep it safe". You never heard from them again.
17. Late one evening, you heard a crash. Someone tossed it through your back window.
18. Followed a mysterious set of clues, plucked it from the back of a burned-out car.
19. One of your friends just gave it to you as a gift. They no longer remember doing so.
20. It just showed up under your pillow one day.

Here's Looking At You, Kid

2d6+3 for each stat, swapping two if you want: Tough, Quick, Smart, Weird.
Roll 1d20 under or equal to a stat to succeed.

Tough: Dealing with the hard knocks of life, both short- and long-term
Quick: Quick on your feet, with your hands, and with your thoughts
Smart: Not just your formal education, but also how you apply yourself
Weird: Interacting with strangeness, and how strange you are yourself. Very occasionally you'll want to fail a Weird roll to get a better outcome, but this is rare

Roll each stat to figure out your current situation

• Tough, to see if you've got a secure place to live
• Quick, to see if you've got a Useful Thing
• Smart, to see if you've got a proper job, if you succeed you've also got [roll]x$100 on hand
• Weird, to see if you know your Fate. If you succeed you can choose whether to roll and find out. If you fail, the DM decides

Some checks are displayed as "Tough: [success] [failure]", or as "[don't roll] or Weird: [success] [failure]"

Useful Things

1. Guns, and ammo
2. Car, old, cared-for, untraceable
3. Secret hideaway
4. Weird artefact
5. Contact in high (or low) places
6. Protective charms and amulets
7. A sword. It speaks to you, somehow
8. An exquisite stash of drugs
9. Practical Knowledge: medical, mechanical, electrical or technical
10. A Second Chance

You also have:
1d4 close family members
1d6 friends
1d8 acquaintances and extended family
If any of these show a 1, they are also A Bit Odd

Nose to the Grindstone

Each round, lasting roughly six months, pick your Leverage and your Method. Your Method is what you're actually doing to become a Magic-User. Your Leverage is how you are making it work.

Free Parking
You might decide to not seek your magical potential every round, instead trying to get your life in order, or scrounge up a chunk of change. That's fine, but if you do it more than once, roll Weird. On a fail, you seriously consider getting out of this mess while you've still got your health, and sanity (or what's left of it).

Leverage

• Talent: Are you actually any good at magic? Let's find out
• Money: You've either got it, or you're willing to get it
• Time: Burn the candle at both ends
• Risk: Go the extra mile down Sketch Street

Talent
Roll Smart and Weird. If you fail either roll, you can't use that stat again for the purposes of Talent. If you have only one stat you can use, you can mix and match it with another Leverage option.

Money
You can decide how you want to get it, you need about $10000

• Blow your savings, if you've got any
• Official loan, remortgage the house etc.
• Borrow from friends and family
• Go to a loanshark
• Steal it

What have you spent it on?

1. Blood of rare animals
2. Toxic materials and associated equipment
3. Lab time, off the books
4. Bribes
5. Another grimoire, lesser but still potent
6. Genuine (?) wizard staff
7. Assorted psychoactive chemicals
8. Weaponry
9. A single ancient fragment of vellum, hopefully it isn't human skin
10. A sculpture or other piece of artwork, either custom-made or incredibly ancient
11. The last words of a dying man
12. You don't remember, the money is just all gone

Time
Your obsession has a cost.

1. One of your family members has died, you missed the funeral. If you don't have any family members left, it was one of your friends. If you don't have any friends, you missed your own funeral.
2. There is so much you could do, and see, and achieve, if you were just a better person. -1 to all stats.
3. Everything hurts. The doctors can't help. Everything hurts. -1 Tough, -1 Quick.
4. Your mind is a cup overfilled with false starts and memories of failures. -1 Smart, -1 Weird.
5. You can feel yourself, rotting away from the inside. Surely you were more than... just this? -1 to your highest and lowest stats.
6. When did you last get outside? Fresh air? What time is it? -1 Tough.
7. The shakes are back. -1 Quick.
8. Migraines, coming in waves, a fog that just doesn't lift. -1 Smart.
9. You see flashes of something in the corner of your eye. You don't want to know what it is, but it's getting closer. -1 Weird
10. You feel dull and blunted, an unsharpened axe in a forest of problems. -1 to your highest stat.
11. Your weaknesses are your undoing, now and forever. -1 to your lowest stat.
12. Have you got a job? You can't remember. Probably not any more.
13. Your friends have been calling you to come join them for ages. Recently, they stopped bothering to call.
14. Your family is thinking of leaving.
15. The bills are piling up and up, now in red.
16. Did you have a pet?
17. It turns out this new insomnia is really helpful.
18. You find yourself losing days, and repeating others. Everything is going fine, so far.
19. Hobbies? What are those?
20. If you can be one thing, be efficient.

Risk
Roll Tough or Quick. On a failure, take -2 to the Method roll. If you choose, you can roll the other stat to Double or Nothing.

Method

• Go It Alone
• Formal Academia
• Urban Research
• Distant Travels
• Tutelage
• The Authorities

Go It Alone // High risk
Before you start your endless experimentation, decide how many (if any) friends and family you've told about what you're doing.

1. Something truly horrible emerges from your workspace. It might even be you.
2. Did you tell anyone what you were doing? If so, they find you in a pool of your own blood. Otherwise, someone notices the smell first.
3. Catastrophe!
4. Your research space is completely destroyed.
8. Irritating neighbours are getting suspicious.
9. Absolutely nothing happens.
11. Sparks and flashes of light, obscure smells and spooky shadows. It all looks very impressive.
13. Frustration leads to an accidental success that you can't quite replicate.
14. You create something New and Horrifying and Marvellous. You are its Creator. You have no control.
15. -1 highest stat, +2 to Weird. If Weird is highest then you get +2 but something horrid happens.
16. So close! So dreadfully close! If you wish, roll Weird: [learn a spell] [roll a Catastrophe]
17. You conjure up some kind of semi-sentient nightmare. It's keen to make a deal.
18. You discover a terrifying truth about reality as we know it. Make something up, roll Weird when it's tested.
19. You learn a single spell, but something bizarre happens each time you cast it.
20. You are now an Uncertified Magic-User!

Formal Academia // Smart, low risk, low reward

1. Catastrophe!
2. You crack under the pressure, madness overwhelms you!
3. [walk away] or roll Smart: [how intriguing!] [never come back here again or I'll call the cops]
4. Your interest has awakened something. Perhaps it even knows your name. Go on, be polite.
11. You are now an expert in an extraordinarily trivial area of research.
13. Discover the bizarre magical properties of a strange semi-historical object.
15. +1 Smart, learn a fascinating arcane secret
18. You're onto something, you can feel it in your bones. Next time you make a Method roll, add 1 if you roll a 10 or over
19. You learn how to cast a single spell reliably, but only using an obnoxious complicated ritual
20. You are now an Uncertified Magic-User!

Urban Research

1. You go missing, and end up as One Of Them
2. End up in 1d4 dumpsters, on a 1 you might still be breathing, roll Tough
3. Catastrophe!
4. Show up in the news 1d6 weeks later
5. They've found you...
6. You wind up somewhere horrible. Would anybody come and rescue you?
10. Wake up at noon with a stinking hangover, no wallet and 1d6 new drinking buddies. Roll Quick: [lose half your cash] [lose all of it]
11. You find someone (or something) that will teach you magic, but you'll need to rescue them from a sticky situation first
15. +1 Tough, gain a new rough-and-tumble friend
17. You acquire a teacher in the arcane arts
18. You learn a certain spell, that you can cast reliably in a specific location
19. Bludgeon together your knowledge into some kind of weapon.
20. You are now an Uncertified Magic-User!

Distant Travels
// Requires cash, less trouble nearby, teacher

1. Never heard from again, nobody knows what happened to you, and they eventually forget to wonder
2. Catastrophe!
3. Captured! By who? What for?
5. Catch some kind of horrible disease
10. Gain a new Fate. If you had a previous Fate, combine them both.
13. An opportunity: you can sacrifice as much as you are willing for more chances
15. +1 Quick, and (something)
16. You find a place of power in an obscure location, a magical nexus where spells come easier
17. You find a talented occult teacher!
20. You are now an Uncertified Magic-User!

Tutelage
Requires you to know an "occult" "expert", have them be willing to teach you, and be able to pay their fee.

1. One of you has perished horribly, equal chance of which
2. Catastrophe!
4. Your teacher goes missing under suspicious circumstances...
8. Complications arise from your teachers lifestyle.
10. There is no learning without suffering. -1 to a stat of your choosing, but what have you learned from it?
15. +1 to appropriate stat and learn a valuable lesson.
17. With the help of your teacher by your side, you learn to cast a spell.
18. Remember your training, and you'll be able to cast a spell.
19. You are now an Uncertified Magic-User!

Costs

1. Cold hard cash
2. Just cast a few spells for me once you learn magic
3. Nothing... for now
4. Obey them in all things

The Authorities
Hahahahahaha.
Unlike other Methods, going to the official magic-user organisations does not require any Leverage. The grimoire is taken off you, and:

1. You are never heard from again.
2. They kill you on the spot.
3. They lock you up, to await sentencing. You never see a judge.
4. Immediately arrested for Possession of Dangerous Artefacts with Intent to Practice, which carries a sentence of 40 to life.
5. Seizure and search of all your assets and property, and likely many of your friends and family as well. Hope they don't find anything too incriminating.
6. Arrested on an assortment of trumped up charges, so as not to make the grimoire a matter of record. So long as you play ball, you might be able to get a suspended sentence or house arrest.
8. Required to fill out reams of paperwork and pay hefty application and 'proper disposal' fees, or incur more severe 'improper disposal' fines.
9. Locked in a random waiting room while they try and figure out what to do with you. The vending machine is broken, and so is the window lock.
10. If you answer their questions, and fail a Weird roll, they let you go after a few hours.
17. The secretary you met was on their first ever shift, and got very confused. A month later the grimoire gets shipped back to you.
18. For a brief moment, you were casting Real Magic. Then your heart exploded.
19. Well, you can use magic, but you're also mostly braindead. Still, waste not, want not.
20. Triumph! You are now a Certified Magic-User. Roll a new character.

Catastrophe

1. Fate Worse Than Death.
2. Gruesome Death.
3. Severe Maiming, -10 Tough.
4. Broken Psyche, -10 Smart.
5. Shattered Body, -10 Quick.
6. Wracked with Omens, -10 Weird.
7. So Much Blood, -5 Tough.
8. Melted Brain, -5 Smart.
9. The Shakes, -5 Quick.
10. Cursed, -5 Weird.
11. THE HUNGER.
12. Lose the grimoire.
13. Roll Body Horror, that part is broken, destroyed, or just dies silently and turns gangrenous.
14. Roll Body Horror, that part springs to new life.
15. Haunted by a ghost.
16. Missing without a trace for 1d12 months.
20. You're fine, but something awful happens to someone you know.

Discovery

1. For ten thumping heartbeats, the air itself is frozen still, from your lungs all the way up to the edge of the atmosphere. You can taste every speck of pollen, smell every scrap of cloud, from here to space. Then, you can breath in again, great hacking gasps. This grimoire can teach you Wind Magic.
2. You can feel each individual drop of bodily fluid in your body, swishing about, pulling gently towards the moon. If it's high tide right now, you go on a manic spree through the street. If it's low tide, you can't bring yourself to do anything but sit in the bath for three days. This grimoire can teach you Water Magic.
3. You cause a minor earthquake. Hope you weren't home. This grimoire can also teach you Earth Magic.
4. You set yourself on fire. Roll Body Horror. This grimoire can teach you Fire Magic.
5. You can see again after a few hours. This grimoire can teach you Light Magic.
6. The next morning, as far as you can tell, the Sun doesn't rise. Lucky for you, it comes up again the day after, but it's a close run thing. This grimoire can teach you Dark Magic.
7. It takes days to clean the mess up. This grimoire can teach you Blood Magic.
8. You have no idea what's happened until seeds start sprouting under your flesh. This grimoire can teach you Plant Magic.
9. Roll Body Horror three times to see what you've created. This grimoire can teach you Fleshcrafting.
10. You've got barrels of failed attempts to dispose of, best be careful they can't get traced back to you. This grimoire can teach you Alchemy.
11. The Tree, The Candle, The Owl. This grimoire can teach you Wandmaking.

Teachers

1. Posh, creepy, wealthy, punctuation marks when he laughs
2. A pinnacle of physical fitness

Body Horror

1. Fingernails and toenails
2. Hair
3. 1 ear
4. 1 finger
5. 1d4 toes
6. 2d10 teeth and half a nose
7. 1d10 fingers
8. A lot of skin
9. 1 eye
10. Large chunk of muscle
11. 1d6 litres of blood
12. Miscellaneous organ, spleen, appendix
13. Intestines
14. 1d20 ribs and a punctured lung
15. 1 leg
16. 1 arm
17. 1d4 limbs
18. Spine
19. Heart
20. Skull

"Madness"

To clarify, none of these are necessarily mental illnesses. They are perfectly logical reactions to the things you've experienced, and the things you've had to do.

1. Smoking
2. Alcohol
3. Uppers
4. Downers
5. Food Hoarding
6. Weaponry Hoarding
7. Violence
8. Paranoia
9. Isolation
10. Depression
11. Hallucinations
12. Dissociative Episodes
13. Security
14. Wandering
15. Memory Loss and/or False Memories
16. Delusions

Fate

1. Screaming, but without the gentleness of death
2. Flames that freeze the blood and crack the stone
3. Falling from a great height, to a ground that seems ever far away
4. Knives
5. Great gulps of mud, pouring into ears and out of flesh
6. A shallow unmarked grave, deep in an unmarked forest
7. The crumbling tower, are you at the peak or in the shadow?
8. Lost in an eternity of dreams
9. Teeth gleaming around necks
10. Blood, gushing rivers of it, pouring from the sky
11. Peace and quiet. A flower plucked and admired
12. Never heard from again, except in myth and legend
13. Known throughout the land forevermore
14. The ocean waves, stretching into the sunset
15. A black cube, featureless, seven sided
16. Die, surrounded by friends and family
19. A falling star, the blinding light of revelation
20. The desperate throng, eager for your favour